Is this about me or about my blog???

About me & My blog;

I am nothing just a girl from Middle East which is mixed with some other Asian blood πŸ™‚ I live with a Family which are strict to the Tribes or Clan rules. I make t his blog just to share everything I feel. Coz I only can share my feeling with words I type. Thats why I am addicted to write πŸ™‚

Here in my blog I write everything about my life which is happening everyday. Especially about my love and life problems.

The reason I gave this blog name as Oceansbottom is because Ocean is wide, I compare an Ocean with a life. And about bottom which means center and deep or base, I compare it with my heart who write all these word in blogs.


I’ll tell u the beginning of my story..

I am Arabian girl with Indonesian nationality. I live in Arab with my family. My family are strict. Well not religious strict but they r tradition strict especially about tribes and clan.

When I was 18 I had a bf, I liked him but didnt love him. Suddenly, my parents asked me to marry a man they chosen. I loved my family so much that time. So I left my bf to marry a man which my parents choose.

While doing that before marriage and before engagement, My grandparents was angry coz they didnt agree. They wish me to marry an Arab with Arab nationality. They wish to to have their family back to be a real Arab again. So it made a big conflict. My family used me to fight. I loved my family so much that time, but knowing that they hated each other made me hurt.

My father is a very hard man, he tried to tell my grandparents that I am a very bad girl when they caught me dated non Arab boy. My grandpa was shocked and so my grandma. After that my grandpa become less word to me.

My parents tried to keep me away from them. I was very sad, but I keep silent. Since they act rude, I started to get angry and refused to marry.I felt that I needed love and care, so I asked my xbf back but he refused. That was made me stress, very stress. I even was afraid of dark.

My parents asked me to have a contact with that man which they chosen for me to marry. We were in contact by an sms. I told that man that I am pushed by my family to do this marriage. And the man told his mom and his mom told my family that she doesnt want me to marry her son coz I told something like that to him.

My dad was very angry, he hit me every time he got pissed. He took my mobile a gift from friends, he stoped me to go to school, he stoped me to have friends, etc. I felt my heart breaking. And had no one to talk about my problems. I felt lonely.

Few months later, my grandpa passing away. When he was gone, I felt another part of my heart was really bleeding. I cried once. After that, I didnt cry just kept my tears.

I lived with my grandma which was stressful. I was sick coz I was stress and had an insomnia which made me took alot of random pills. I tried to kill my self, but everything was failed. The pills broke my health until I gotm y self bleeding to much.

In that moment my mom asked me to go to school. I went to the school which started at 3.30 pm. And in that hour the city is empty coz its the time for people to take an afternoon rest. I walked alone with my mom to the school. And there were a man who was trying to rape us. He pushed me and my mom to get in his car. He offered the price for using my body. I was so afraid and angry. I fight that man. I screamed but no one helped coz no one was there. Suddenly, there was a car crossing. I stopped that car. And the driver was a boy. I asked him a help. He tried to save us just by asking that evil man to leave us. We were saved although after the boy left the evil man returned and another car helped us.

The stress gone bad, and I was out of control. Pills, cigarette, no sleep, feared, etc are really killing. Everyday I fell down. Every night I cried. There were no one helped me. Except my mom which always want to hear me talking.

My mom had a tumor in her ovarium, Everyday we were going out searching a hospital which can make her feel better. When I waited her in waiting room at hospital, every minute I saw people who were between life and death. Some of them are crushed by car, bleeding, A little kid got his head broken, etc.

Was that a nightmare? what was that??

My mom wanted to go Indonesia for operation coz my dad didnt have enough money for operation in Arab. She asked him to let her take me with him. I didnt want that coz I wanted to stay with my grandma which was ignored by everybody. She was stress, and as me who is in same condition couldnt let her go that way. But my mom pushed me. So I agreed and went with her.

While I was in Indonesia after my mom succeed her tumor operation, she decided to left me there with my mom family. I stayed there alone with my aunt which is a little evil. I took a course to let my loneliness gone away. Every night I was lonely. So I tried to use my phone to chat.

I didnt interest to chat with strangers. But that time my sister pushed me to chat with a guy from Romania. His name is Eugen.

We chat every night. When we switched photos. I was suprised looking at his photo. Coz he was looking like a guy who saved me while I was almost being raped. He is a nice person. We talked, we shared our life stories. And that moment he was single coz his gf left him coz her parents doesnt like him. And they took her to another city far away from him. He was droped out from school, and his grandpa died. So stressed.

We were in same condition. So I asked him if he want us to be together to forget our past and forget our old love. He agreed. We were in relationship but without love. We chat sometime only when we are free.

after 4 months we broke up coz we thought that our relationship is impossible to continue.

1 year later, we started to chat a lot. I started to like him. He is kind of arrogant but cute. And when he talk there is no platitudes that he used. He talk everything which comes from his head and heart. I really like him.

Anyway, we passed a lot of sad and happy moments, we get in a relation ship at 14 february 2007. Until today we never broke up.

But now, what happened in past about marriage is happening again exactly like how it was. But I learned something from my experience and tried to not lose a man I love. And also I am trying to work hard for my love.

I hope all my hard work and my wishes will success. Coz since we were together he started to be my oxigen. Be my heart beat. And be the light of my life.

Keep follow my blog and you will know my next life stories. And please pray so I can have a happy ending πŸ™‚


Malika Ionica Aisyah.


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